New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
