1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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