I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
