I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
