You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
