i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
