Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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