I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
