You're earring is so big in my mouth
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
