If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
