I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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