There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
