i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
