I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
