The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
