even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
