Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
