4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
