I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
