Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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