A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
