Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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