I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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