So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
