dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I still have a little drunk in my system
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
