I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
