well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
