Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
