I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
