mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Couch. On fire.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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