were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
