so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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