Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
