I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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