I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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