JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
