The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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