also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
