God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
