Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
