Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
