definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
