Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
