Kiss
Puke
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Pants are for mortals
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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