She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
