I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I need moral support for this bender
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
