YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
