Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
