2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
