who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
