My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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