No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
