She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
