so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Let's paint friendship bongs
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
