I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
