Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
