does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
