ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
