Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
