This is not my ceiling
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
