Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
