her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
