I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it's like heaven, but drunker
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't turn off my feet"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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