every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
