I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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