dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
